I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
