I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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