I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
