I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if only i could text you this smell
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
