i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
