I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
