pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
