if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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