why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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