I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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