I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
