she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
