I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
