You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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