new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
