Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Boobs are out for the taking
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
