sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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