Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize