are you so shy because you have an std?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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