I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
