He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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