U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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