I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
