also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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