How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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