apparently the secret to your success is patron
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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