Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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