I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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