I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
