I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im holly from the hills drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize