I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
