the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
