If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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