Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
