stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
