and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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