it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
