he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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