dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
