Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
