My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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