I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
