I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
