I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
