Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
