these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
