If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize