I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
