Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
