dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
