Already got asked if we're dating
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't put those talents on a resume
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
