I'm jealous of your bromance
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
