is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
