Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
