im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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