No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
