I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
