My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's blow job season.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
