Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize