Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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