just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am midnight drunk by noon
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
