he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
