This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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