you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
