How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
